10 January 2010

The Top Ten Reasons that Team Hayes thought Avatar was LAME!

This is our first co-written blog. See if you can tell which parts were written by which Hayes.

***Caution: This list contains spoilers (not that you wouldn’t see them coming anyway)***

10) If you are going to make a movie that has a bunch of blue people living in the forest, who are hiding from “the man”, then you have to make a Gargamel/Smurf reference somewhere in the movie. Something as simple as a sticker on one of the bombs would work just fine.

9) This movie paints the human race (or rather Americans), especially our military, to be evil and heartless. We aren’t that bad, are we? Lame, to the extreme.

8) What’s with the motive? It was completely weak. “We are going to travel six years to another planet to farm this rock that is worth $20 million per kilogram.” What is so special about that rock? Does it cure cancer, facilitate time travel, allow people to divide by zero? There was a whole lot missing there. Plus, there was an abundance of that certain rock on Pandora, it was just the most concentrated under the blue people’s tree house. Why couldn’t the bad guys just mine all the rock from the surrounding areas without hurting anyone? Also, wouldn’t you make a bigger pile of money by studying and exploiting the ability to ‘plug’ into a planet or animals? Think about it.

7) One word: PREDICTABLE. Who didn’t think, as soon as what’s-her-face told the story about how only five people have ever flown with that big ole orange dragon-bird-thing, that Sully would eventually fly it? Also, did anyone NOT think that they would end up mating? I could have called Grace’s death from the very beginning. Oh, and guess who won?...The good guys. SHOCKING!

6) Too many people are raving about this movie ONLY because they were told it was awesome. Aside from the stupendous computer animation, there was nothing amazing about this film. Everyone keeps saying how great they thought it was only because that’s what everyone else is doing. Conformists. It was lame, admit it.

5) Michelle Rodriquez is not convincing as the softhearted rebel against evil. She should have played a bad guy. She is too easy to hate. We didn’t like her in the sympathetic role.

4) It is said, in the movie, that the reason Sully’s legs haven’t been ‘fixed’ is because the VA couldn’t provide adequate health care for their soldiers because the economy wasn’t doing so well. Well, if the economy was sucking so badly, how were they funding all of the armament and colonizing on other planets, not to mention the Avatar program itself? Hmmm?

3)The story just wasn’t there. How can you have dragon like creatures that don’t have fire or ice breath? Seriously, that might have made up for the sketchy and familiar plot.

2)Consider this: Travel to Pandora is a twelve year round trip. The Avatar program had to have taken decades to research and finally become a reality. The military guys were behind this plan ALL of those years. Then, all of a sudden they actually have a guy on the “inside” and there are only three months to make something happen before they have to start bombing blue people. This makes NO SENSE! It had to have taken a LONG time to set up shop on that planet, and they were fine with not killing innocent indigenous people for years and years. Then, out of nowhere it just HAS to be done? Not buying it. LAME!

…and the number one reason that Avatar was LAME is….

1) All this movie needed was a Kevin Costner cameo, and it could have been called “Dances With Wolves In Space”. Come on James Cameron, can’t you write an original story?

We’d like to caveat this list with the fact that we thought the graphics and animation were AMAZING. We just wish that the story wouldn’t have played out like a hastily adapted remake.



Dean said...

Here are my guesses as to who wrote which post:
10. Amy
9. Amy
8. Brad
7. Amy
6. Brad
5. Amy
4. Brad
3. Brad
2. Brad
1. Amy

Let me know my score.

Team Hayes said...

50% Dean. The smurf one was all Brad! :) This was kind of a tricky test, though because some of them were really a combination of both of our thoughts. Good try though. :)

Kylie said...

Whatever, I really liked it. Maybe it's because I've never seen dances with wolves, have no suspension of disbelief and was in awe of the visuals throughout the entire movie. I'm not giving you each fourteen bucks just because I recommended it :p

Team Hayes said...

Kylie, we were only requesting $14 total. Our tickets were $7 each. Anyway, you weren't the only one to recommend it, so you are only responsible for about $0.71.

Kylie said...

Well like I said before, I think that we need to keep in mind Cameron's penchant for really long films. There was probably an hour of better explanation and story fleshing-out on the cutting room floor. I'd like to get the director's cut when it comes out.

Ps, Jason says he told Brad he's like District 9 better. Watch it, I agree!

Anonymous said...


Abby said...

Totally! I didn't see it in the theater..and I'm glad I didn't. Someone who knows someone dropped us a copy about a week and a half ago. Ya'll, I couldn't finish it. I think I sat through a little over an hour and then walked away. I just couldn't. I was trying and trying to see what everyone thought was so awesome about the movie and I just couldn't. I thought that MAYBE it might've looked a little cooler on the big screen with better brighter colors than the copy we have..but that still didn't help me with the acting or the story. I was bored.

Check this out for a giggle: http://failblog.org/2010/01/10/avatar-plot-fail/

Team Hayes said...

Oh, and Kylie, you may not have seen Dances With Wolves, but I know you have seen Pocahontas! See http://failblog.org/2010/01/10/avatar-plot-fail/