How Random Little Influences and Large Scale Support Communities Lead Me to Knowing Better and Doing Better

Welcome to the World Breastfeeding 2013 Blog Carnival cohosted by NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding Center!

This post was written for inclusion in the WBW 2013 Blog Carnival. Our participants will be writing and sharing their stories about community support and normalizing breastfeeding all week long. Find more participating sites in the list at the bottom of this post or at the main carnival page.

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I often look and think back on the things I didn’t know when I first became a mom.  I wasn’t one of those moms who was scared of the unknown and worried about whether I would be able to do everything that parenting required of me.  I thought I was super prepared and that I knew it all, and that I could handle it all on my own.  Oh mama, was I wrong!  I lived in Japan. My husband was deployed for the first eight months of our daughter's life.  I wasn’t aware of online support for moms, and the couple mom friends I had were also the types to think they didn’t need advice or help from outside sources, so they weren’t much help to me.  I shake my head at some of the things I thought were okay to do with my new baby, and I cringe when I see pictures of my blatant car seat misuse.  But, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t know what I was doing when it came to breastfeeding.  I started supplementing with formula when my daughter was about eight weeks old.  We did a lot of traveling and I didn’t know it was okay to nurse on the plane.  I didn’t know that supplementing would impact my milk production.  I left her for one whole day just before she was six months old and the next day I was completely dried up.  I was convinced that I did everything right and it was just supposed to happen that way.  I contacted a lactation consultant at the base hospital, who told me I needed to wake her up 2-3 times a night to nurse or pump (she has been sleeping 9 pm to 10 am since she was five weeks old---so that didn’t happen).  I wish I would have known better or more from the beginning.

We moved from Japan to Hawaii half way through my second pregnancy.  One of my sisters came to live with us for the first two months because she was filling an Air Force reservist position at the nearby Air force base.   Her two young sons stayed with me every day while she was at work.  She used cloth diapers.  I started to use her cloth diapers on my daughter as well, since I had to change them and wash them anyway.  When I made the choice to switch to cloth for my daughter and the son I was expecting, that is when my mommy world eyes were opened.  Everything changed, not immediately, but things were set in motion.  She introduced me to a cloth diapering website and directed me to the for sale or trade forum where I could buy used cloth diapers for a bargain.  I started stocking up.  But, in the meantime, I discovered all the other forums on the website.   There were forums for everything!  I found out what elimination communication was and what mama cloth was.  I learned about car seat expiration dates and extended rear facing.  I was addicted.  There were endless links and research and testimonies.  It was amazing.  By the time my son was born, I felt like a completely different person than when my daughter had been born just nineteen months earlier.  I couldn’t believe that I thought I had been prepared when I had her!  You know what they say about hindsight.

I read every post about breastfeeding support and milk supply that I could find.  And, I was going to do so much better THIS time.  And, I did.  I learned that community is so important, even if that community only exists online.

With my son, I had pumped extra here and there, and had enough in the freezer for date nights and such.  We made it to ten months without him ever tasting formula.  Then, my appendix burst.  I went in for emergency surgery and was on narcotics for a few days.  There was only enough milk in the freezer for about a day.  I had been so set on making it to one year that I was heartbroken.  Yet, at the same time we were trying to get pregnant again, and had discovered that I was one of those people that doesn’t start ovulating until after she stops breastfeeding.  So, we quit with the surgery.  He had formula for almost two months, and then made the switch to cow’s milk.  Sure enough, the next month my cycle returned, and two months later I was pregnant with number three.

As soon as number three arrived, I was bound and determined to have the biggest stockpile of breast milk possible.  If I had anymore random surgeries, got in an accident or had to travel unexpectedly for something, I wanted her to have enough milk to get her through. I pumped 2-4 times a day, and got nearly five ounces each time.  We bought a freezer when she was two months old, and when she was three months old, we had nearly 1200 ounces in it.  Then I saw a post on facebook from a high school classmate that opened me to the world of milk sharing.  I cannot stop smiling as I write this because I just love the way the whole thing worked out.

I was living in Hawaii.  I am originally from central California, and my friend who shared the facebook post was in California, in my hometown.  I happened to be about two weeks out from traveling back to my hometown for a friend’s wedding.  This high school classmate lived just outside of town on a farm, down the road from a dairy.  Her neighbor at the dairy had a new granddaughter, a couple weeks younger than my new daughter.  The tragic news was that the baby’s mother had just unexpectedly passed away from a postpartum blood clotting condition.  It gives me chills to even think about it.  The neighbor at the dairy was helping her son care for the baby, and they were having serious difficulties feeding her any kind of formula.  She was extremely colicky and every type of special formula they tried seemed to aggravate her stomach and she wouldn’t keep anything down.  Someone gave them a small milk donation, and the baby girl took it like a champ!  Upon this discovery, they spread the message via facebook that they were in search of donations.  My former classmate shared this information and I wanted to help immediately.  There I was in Hawaii with a full freezer of milk, getting ready to head back to California in about 10 days, and it just seemed meant to be.

Now, the thought of getting on a plane by yourself with a three year old, a two year old, a three month old, three car seats, a double stroller, a few suitcases, a giant diaper bag, a pack and play, a breast pump,  AND two gigantic Styrofoam coolers full of frozen breast milk might seem kind of intimidating.  It was.  But, everything went so smoothly it was barely a slight inconvenience.  I recall freaking out when my friend came to pick me up at the terminal with her husband, her two kids in car seats, and her double stroller in her van.  I told her, “What is wrong with you? There is no way we are going to fit all this!”  Well, super props to the Toyota Sienna because we fit three adults, five rear facing car seats, two double strollers, two big suitcases, two little suitcases, a pack and play, a diaper bag, a breast pump, and the two enormous coolers…and there was still room to stretch out!

I got to my sister’s house at about 2 am.  I had been scared that my packaging might not have been sufficient and that we would lose some of the milk, but the next morning the milk was still frozen solid.     I made the twenty minute drive to the dairy with my kids.  I was a mess of emotions.   I thought that perhaps I would have a hard time letting go of the milk I had worked so hard for, but I was never more sure of anything than the fact that all that pumping had been for the sole purpose of feeding this little girl.  I was crying for the baby who had lost her mother, and then I was smiling at the timing of my friend’s wedding that brought me home at this exact time, then I was laughing…because you have to admit, making a milk delivery to a dairy is pretty funny.

The woman who greeted us was so sweet, and so thankful.  I got to hold the baby girl for a long time.  If I could go back, I would have offered to nurse her, but at the time it didn’t occur to me.  Or maybe it did occur to me, but I was too afraid that it would be an uncomfortable request.  We got a tour of the dairy, and the kids got to play with some adorable new baby calves.  We got to watch the milking process, and it all just seemed so relevant!  One of the mom friends I had back in Japan had chosen not to attempt breastfeeding at all because she didn’t want to "feel like a cow”.  I recalled that statement and smiled so big to myself thinking, “Being a cow is awesome!”  I couldn’t think of many moments in my life that made me feel like a more fulfilled contributing member to society than being able to give this gift to that baby girl.  My milk was enough to keep her fed for about a month and a half.  I wasn’t the only donor, so she had other milk donations to keep her going for a while.  I wished I would have lived closer so I could have made regular donations.

In conversing with the dairy owner (the woman’s brother) during our visit, it occurred to me that his name sounded familiar.  It turns out he is married to the sister of my mom’s sister’s first husband.  That might seem a bit confusing, but he was my cousin’s uncle...or my former uncle's brother in law.  How nuts is that?  So, I was actually related to this baby girl!

That experience is one that will live on in my mind for the rest of my life as proof that there are no coincidences.  Whether you are a believer or not, how can one refute the grand design of things after that?

I returned home and discovered Eats on Feets Hawaii and Human Milk for Human Babies Hawaii, and made a couple small donations here and there to mamas in need.  Right after my trip, my husband and I got orders to San Diego.  I came to San Diego for a week by myself to shop for a house.  My husband took the week off of work and had more than enough milk to last him through my absence.  My pump and I seriously bonded that week.  I pumped about 225 ounces that week and found someone on the HM4HB San Diego facebook page to take it off my hands before I flew back to Hawaii.  My baby was just over seven months old when we moved, and we couldn’t take our stockpile with us, so that went to a couple other moms.  We lived in hotels and in friends' spare bedrooms for almost three months waiting to close on our house (side note: buying a short sale is a stressful and long process).  There was no freezer space and our schedule was so nuts, my pumping was limited.  I nursed to thirteen months and she kind of weaned herself.  I was a little bit relieved because we wanted to get pregnant again.  Sure enough, a month after I stopped nursing, I got my cycle back, and two months later I was pregnant with number four.

Here I am, six months along with my number four.  She is my third girl.  I look back at how differently I approached breastfeeding with each child, how much knowledge I have gained with each experience, and how my kids are consecutively fatter on their first birthdays--haha (related to nursing perhaps?)  Nursing in public is definitely not an issue for me anymore, and the idea of sharing my milk with other moms is something that makes me super happy.  We have made the decision that four babies for ourselves is a good number, so I won’t be weaning this next one for the sake of trying to conceive.   I can’t wait to see how long this nursing relationship lasts.  We have no plans to be moving anytime in the next few years, so I am hoping I can keep up a pumping regimen that will allow me to help out other moms and babies who don’t have the same supply that I do.

In the end I look back and see little doors opening, that led me to new doors, that led me to more doors.  Each small piece of advice from another mom that I have opened my mind to, has only led me to discoveries, experiences, and knowledge that has helped me in my motherhood journey, and particularly my breastfeeding journey…and then other people’s breastfeeding journeys!  A friend of mine has a onesie for her little daughter that says, “My mom doesn’t want your advice!”  And, with my first, I would have thought it was cute and funny.  But, now all I can think about is how much her mom is potentially missing out on by not opening herself up to the information and support that exists out there!  Also, I think about how much I would have missed out on as a mom had I embraced the idea that I didn't have anything to learn…or where I would be now if my sister would have never come to Hawaii with her cloth diapers!!!  Haha.

Milk sharing has opened my eyes to surrogacy, and though this will likely be MY last pregnancy, I really look forward to being pregnant again someday for someone else.  And, if that someone else would like to feed their baby breast milk, I would love to pump for them as long as they desire.

So, I have been in San Diego for a little over a year now.  I feel like I have come a long way in five short years, not just from Japan to Hawaii to here, or as a mom to one then two then three then four, but as a mom in general.  Starting in October, I will have milk to spare (God willing).  And in two years or so, I hope to venture into the world of surrogacy.  Four years ago, milk sharing and surrogacy weren't even on my radar.  I am so thankful that there is awareness and support in this area for those things.  Southern California is really a great place to be for milk sharing support!  I only hope that other moms will hear about the benefits and join in, to give or receive!

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Visit NursingFreedom.org and The San Diego Breastfeeding Center for more breastfeeding resources and WBW Carnival details!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Below are a list of links for today's participants; you can find a complete list of links (updated throughout the week) at our main carnival page:
(This list will be updated by afternoon August 5 with all the carnival links.)

• An Unexpected Formula-Fed Attachment — Kyle (of JEDI Momster and) writing at Natural Parents Network, exclusively breastfed three healthy babies. So when she was pregnant with her fourth, she assumed she would have no breastfeeding troubles she could not overcome. Turns out, her fourth baby had his own ideas. Kyle shares her heartfelt thoughts on how she came to terms with the conclusion of her breastfeeding journey.
• It Take a Village: Cross Nursing — Shannah at Breastfeeding Utah shares how cross-nursing helped her baby in their time of need, and how that experience inspired her to create a community of cross-nursing and milk-sharing women.
• Random little influences and Large scale support communities lead to knowing better and doing better — amy at random mom shares how her ideas and successes involved with breastfeeding evolved with each of her children, how her first milk sharing experience completely floored her, and how small personal experiences combined with huge communities of online support were responsible for leading and educating her from point A to point D, and hopefully beyond.
• Mikko's weaning story — After five years of breastfeeding, Lauren at Hobo Mama shares how the nursing relationship with her firstborn came to a gentle end.
• My Milk is Your Milk — Lola at What the Beep am I Doing? discusses her use of donor milk and hhow she paid the gift back to other families.
• World Breastfeeding Week 2013 Blog Carnival - Celebrating Each Mother's Journey — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy lists her experiences and journey as a breastfeeding mother.
• Working Mom Nursing Twins — Sadia at How Do You Do It? breastfed her twin daughters breastfed for 7 months. They made it through premature birth and NICU stays, her return to full-time work, her husband's deployment to Iraq, and Baby J's nursing strike.
• So, You Wanna Milkshare? — Milk banks, informed community sharing and friends, oh my! So many ways to share the milky love; That Mama Gretchen is sharing her experience with each.
• Milk Siblings: One Mama's Milk Sharing Story (and Resources)Amber, guest posting at Code Name: Mama, shares how her views on milk sharing were influenced by her daughter receiving donor milk from a bank during a NICU stay, and how that inspired her to give her stash to a friend.
• Humans Feeding Humans — Krystyna at Sweet Pea Births shares ideas on how we can celebrate all the different ways modern mommies feed their babies. While we are comfortable with the breastmilk-formula paradigm, she proposes that we expand our horizons and embrace all the different ways mamas feed their infants.
• When Breastfeeding Doesn't Go As Planned — MandyE of Twin Trials and Triumphs shares the challenges she faced in feeding her premature twins. She's still learning to cope with things not having gone exactly as she'd always hoped.
• Taking Back My Life By Giving Away My Milk — When Amanda Rose Adams's first child was born, he was tube fed, airlifted, ventilated, and nearly died twice. In the chaos of her son's survival, pumping breast milk was physically and mentally soothing for Amanda. Before long her freezer was literally overflowing with milk - then she started giving it away.
• The Tortoise and the Hare — Nona's Nipples at The Touch of Life discusses why we care about breast milk and formula with everything inbetween.
• Finding My Tribe of Women Through Milk Sharing — Mj, guest posting at San Diego Breastfeeding Center shares her journey breastfeeding with low milk supply and supplementing with donor milk using an at the breast supplemental nursing system. She shares the impact milk sharing has had on her life, her family, and how it saved her breastfeeding relationship.
• Human Milk for Human Babies — Sam at Nelson's Nest shares her perspective on milk-sharing after an unexpected premature delivery left her pumping in the hopes of breastfeeding her son one day. Sam's milk was an amazing gift to the other preemie who received it, but the connection was a blessing in the donor mom's life too!
• Sister, I Honor You — A mother feeding her baby is a triumph and should be honored, not criticized. Before you judge or propagate your own cause, go find your sister. A post by Racher: Mama, CSW, at The Touch of Life.
• Every Breastfeeding Journey Is Different, Every One Is Special — No two stories are alike, evidenced by That Mama Gretchen's collaboration of a few dear mama's reflections on their breastfeeding highs, lows and in betweens.
• A Pumping Mom's Journey — Shannah at Breastfeeding Utah shares about her journey pumping for her son, who was born at 29 weeks.

Final Answer

I have been struggling for about a year now, with the decision to send Jocelyn to public school or to home school her.  I have long lists for and against each option that I will spare you, but they mainly have to do with wanting to keep her in a bubble, but not being nearly organized enough to keep the bubble running on schedule .  However, all these pros and cons keep swimming around in my head, driving me crazy.  I am very indecisive about things that don't have a clear RIGHT answer.  I have prayed for an answer, and hoped to feel conviction from the Holy Spirit leading me toward one option or the other.

While waiting for the answer to be made clear to me, I often ask Jocelyn which she would prefer.  Depending on her mood, she could really go either way.  Some days she says stuff like, "Mom, I love you, I want to stay home with you and do school in the house. I want to live here forever!"  And, on other days she will say, "I want to go to school and have a teacher and friends like I did at my school in Hawaii."

She went to a very affordable church preschool in Hawaii.  I would love to send her to our church's private school for kindergarten and on, but it is not a financial possibility for us, especially because we would eventually be paying for more children to attend.

Anyway, as I was tucking her into bed a couple nights ago, she said her prayer.  In her prayer she said that she was thankful for her school book (a Pre-K workbook that we are working through).  After she was done, I asked her again about school.  She said she wasn't sure, and asked me to decide (she shares my indecisiveness, I guess). This time I shared some of my reasoning for being undecided.  I told her that I enjoyed school when I was a kid, and that it is fun to learn with friends.  I also mentioned that spending some time away from me during the day would help her be more independent and allow me to spend special time with Carolyn and Sam.  Then I told her that I was scared there would be mean kids there, and that some days would be hard for her (she is sensitive).  I also expressed my fears that some of the 'mean' kids might talk about things that they are not old enough to be talking about and that I wanted to protect her from being exposed to that kind of talk so that she could remain innocent and not grow up too fast, or turn into a mean kid herself.

Her response totally blew me away!  What she said went something like this:

"Mom?  Remember Jonah?  Well, you know God told Jonah to go to Ninevah, and he didn't want to go because there were bad people there.  But God wanted the people there to hear His message! He was scared of them instead of trusting God to protect him!"

At this point, I don't even have words, but I am totally tearing up and just in shock at how she tied this story to our situation (because in my paranoid head some of the children that she will be exposed to will resemble Ninevites).  She goes on:

"I think a lot of people are bad just because they don't know how to be good like I do! 'Cause you taught me. I can go to school and tell them, 'No more lying!  No more cheating!  No more slapping people with fishes!' Then maybe they will know God loves them, and then they won't do bad things."

Her wording might be a little confusing, but the way she said it was like she is planning to be a little evangelist (sharing the word of God, not just telling people what not to do).  I just hugged her so tight and told her how smart she was, and that if she wants to go to school, I will learn to trust God to protect her while she is there.  She simply said, "Thanks, mom.  You don't need to cry.  I can handle it."

I can't believe that she has turned out the way she has despite my parenting failures.  Anyway, I am thinking that this conversation was just the answer I needed to be comfortable with sending her to public school.  The idea still scares me, but I know that God is in control, and that I will remain the biggest influence in her life.

My sister recommended the book Going Public to me, and I plan to read it as soon as I have a break from my school.  Hopefully it will offer some more practical reassurances, but overall my reassurance comes from God.  I have again been reminded of what a brave and loving little girl He has gifted to me.  She will be a blessing to her teacher and her classmates when she goes to kindergarten in August.

Holy moly.  I can't believe she is going to start kindergarten this year!

Carried Away

A few days ago I was listening to the radio and the station was promoting the San Diego Blood Bank.  I have tried to give blood at least a dozen times, but have only been able to do it about four times thanks to a tattoo, a piercing, a pregnancy, a surgery, a trip to a foreign country, or a low hemoglobin level holding me back.  I figured that I was in a good window to donate, over a year since Haiti, and a month? before becoming pregnant.

I have zero problems with needles.  I don't mind being poked multiple times for someone to find a vein in my arm.  I am patient, and blood doesn't bother me at all (especially if it is my own blood).  I got hooked up, and filled my unit bag in five minutes flat.  Then, I don't know what happened...but I woke up reclined with ice packs on my face and chest with five faces hovering over me, asking if I was okay.  Oops!  I totally passed out.  I have a history of passing out (vasovagal syncopal episodes), but never because of needles or having blood drawn.  I was so embarrassed!  After about 10 minutes they let me get up to go to the bathroom, then made me sit and eat cookies and drink juice for 10 more minutes and I was good to go.  I stopped by the the KSON radio tent on the way out and got a t-shirt and some horse show tickets that they were giving to people who donated.  They also had me fill out an entry for Carrie Underwood tickets.  I almost didn't do it because I felt yucky and just wanted to go sit in the air conditioned van. I still felt a little off, so I let Melynda drive home.  We stopped by the dry cleaner to pick up Brad's uniforms and I puked my guts out in the bathroom of the McDonalds next to the dry cleaner.  I felt immediately better and back to my normal self.  I am still kind of shocked at my reaction to giving blood!  Weird.

The next morning I was awakened by a phone call from the radio station, telling me that I won the tickets and meet and greet passes for Carrie Underwood!  I couldn't believe it.  I had just won some pretty awesome VIP tickets to Dave Matthews Band from the YMCA last month, so I thought I had used up all my luck.  They told me to email them by noon with the name of my guest, and some questions that I would like to ask Carrie.  I guess she didn't want to answer "would you rather" questions about puking on stage, because mine didn't make the screening cut despite the radio folks telling me they were great questions.

Anyway, my friend Megan and I went last night and had a great time!  Meeting Carrie was fun, she is so pretty and sweet.  The concert was great and we really enjoyed her opening act, Hunter Hayes.  I was also really entertained by the group of teenage girls sitting right by us. We met some other people in the meet and greet process, who sat with us and were lots of fun.

Passing out and puking while giving blood is not something that would deter me from donating again, because the potential to help save a life is worth it. But it was made even more worth it by having the opportunity to share such an awesome night with a great friend!

On a completely different note, I think I am going to start buying lottery tickets instead of entering drawings for concert tickets. :)

Double Reset

I love the conversations that Sam and Jocelyn have with each other.

Sam:  "Jocelyn, what's that in you mouth?"

Jocelyn:  "I'm just drinking water, Sam."

Sam: "No, let me see in there."

Jocelyn, opens her mouth and some water drips out.  They both laugh hysterically.

Sam (laughing, and now wearing a bowl on his head for a hat): "You got water on you, Jocelyn!"

Jocelyn: "Well, at least I don't have a bowl on my head!"

Sam:  Let's do sommersaults!"

Jocelyn:  "Okay!"

Cup and bowl set aside, and sommersaults commence.

I love this job.

I refuse to allow myself to get caught up any longer in my emotional reactions to things that just don't really matter to me.  I am done convincing myself that they matter to me.  I won't let these things distract me any longer from living simply and enjoying every little joy this life has to offer.   :)

Reset

I am up late, and for some reason I felt compelled to go back and read some of my older posts on this blog.

As I was reading the first entry, I was reminded of why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to use it as a tool to share my family and our experiences with people who were not Myspace users. Now that there is facebook, and pretty much everyone is on facebook, I have let the blog become somewhat of a rant-fest that focuses much more on me and my opinions of things, than on my family.

I want to change that up. I want to go back to family updates. But don't think you are going to get rid of my opinion entirely. I am still passionate about a lot of my beliefs, and if I think that sharing my opinion might help someone make a better decision for themselves or their life, I am going to put it out there. I'll be nice. And, most opinions will focus on families/family life.

I plan to blog this weekend about the wonderful day Jocelyn and I had at Disneyland on Monday, but for now I will just leave you with a cute little Sam story.  

Yesterday, I took the kids with me to the doctor to get some meds for all of my current ailments. There was a PetCo next door and they begged me to go in. We walked around in there for about an hour, saw all the animals, and asked a lot of questions about swimming turtles. On the way out, I was quizzing the kids about the animals we saw. 

Jocelyn: "Mom, we saw a lot of animals in there!" 

 Me: "I know! Did we see birds?" 

Jocelyn and Sam: "Yes!" 

Me: "Did we see snakes?" 

J&S: "Yes!" 

Me: "Did we see bears?" 

J&S: "Nooo! Hahaha." 

Me: "Did we see hamsters?" 

J&S: "Yes!" 

Me: "Did we see turtles?" 

Jocelyn: "Yup! Mom, I want to get a turtle for a pet when we have a house!" 

Me: "Maybe. Did we see crocodiles?" 

Sam: "Mom, I want a crocodile! I want a crocodile for a pet in a house!" 

Me: "Sorry Sam, they don't sell crocodiles here." 

Sam: (sobbing 'crocodile tears') "I want a crocodile. I want a crocodile. I want a crocodile." 

 The poor kid was so heartbroken that I wouldn't even consider a crocodile as a pet. He pouted for about 10 minutes. I love him so much. :)

Spending log 4-21 March...Gross.

Sunday, March 4th -
mini mart - $9 (2 cases of mountain dew, one fountain dr. pepper)
downloaded Dr. Mario for Wii - $10
Katelyn's Birthday present - $75 @ gymboree.com

Monday, March 5th -
BX - toiletries, diapers, soda $32

Tuesday, March 6th -
Commissary - $32 (milk and chocolate/coffee/candy/ macadamia nuts for care package)
post office $12
plane meal and adult beverage - $13
airport parking at San Diego airport - $2
Taco bell $7

Wednesday, March 7th -
Dr. Pepper at Walgreens - $2
Gas in Hillary's car - $40
Dairy queen $4

Thursday March 8th -
Lunch at Chick Fil A - $9
Dinner from Popeyes - $23

Friday March 9th
Food court Thai - $11
See's - $8 cash
Walgreens - $16 (razors, snacks, gum, kid gifts)

Saturday, March 10th -
In n Out Burger - $6
dollar store - $5
Olive Garden (Hillary's birthday)- $103

Sunday, March 11th
Winchell's Donuts - $9
McDonalds - $9

Monday, March 12th -
dollar store- $12 (party supplies)
walmart - $20 (bag, shirt, anbesol, thank you card)
patch car tire - $20
gas in Hillary's car - $50
Chick Fil A- $22 (had to get a ton of nuggets to bring home for Brad

Tuesday, March 13th
Requested DD214 online - $105
BX (printer ink and Alka Seltzer) - $30

Wednesday, March 14th-
Wendy's for lunch - $20
Candy- $5 I went to the NEX for transmission fluid, then Brad called and said he didn't need it after all....so I bought robins eggs and little bags of mini m&ms.
Electric bill for our house in Nebraska that the stupid tenant has STILL not put in their name!!! -$90 GRR.

Thursday, March 15th-
PayPal transfer for Steph's cloth diapers - baby shower gift
Jack in the box - $10

Friday March 16th -
Wendy's for Lunch - $20
Commissary - $36 (salad, creamer, and brownies for homeport, and milk and eggs for us)
Girl Scout cookies - $20

Saturday, March 17th-
Movies (The Lorax) - $21 for tickets, $22 for popcorn, icee and soda
Caramel apple and chocolate covered sunflower seeds at the mall - $7
Stella and Dot party order - $69

Sunday, March 18th-
Tastefully Simple party order - $36

Monday, March 19th -
Care package stuff for my Secret Easter bunny exchange with my DDC - $50
Post office - $31 (sent care package...and express mailed house contracts)
Soon's Korean BBQ for lunch - $18

Tuesday, March 20th -
Pizza at the BX for lunch - $10
Care package stuff at BX for Cedars and soda- $55
Post office - $12
Commissary - $75 (fruit, milk, veggies, soap, juice, cheese, mouthwash, etc)
Wire transfer to Escrow account for our new house - $3,500
Minimart - $14 (sunflower seeds, snacks, soda)

Wednesday, March 21st -
Dumbell Fitness shirt - $20
Target - $25 (diapers and wipes. So sad about this, but I had to get them for Sam because he is having issues with his boy parts, and I can't use the stuff that will heal him with his cloth diapers).
Steak Out - $18
Starbucks - $7 (frappuccino, chocolate milk, and lemon pound cake)
CPO birthday ball tickets - $100

This equals $1527, excluding the $3500 Escrow Deposit.

That's disgusting.

It could have been worse, the money spent on taking the Wilke's out to dinner, putting gas in their car and fixing their tire would have been A LOT more had I needed a hotel and rental car for my trip. The donuts and other fast foods weren't exactly necessary, but I would have spent nearly the same on eating healthier options while there.

That whole trip and at least $200 of what has been spent since I got back (printer ink, DD214, express mail, etc) were things we absolutely had to do for the house buying process. We are about to be shelling out a bunch more here and there for appraisals and inspections.

$290 of that was just on fast food, soda, and candy. All completely unnecessary.

$150 of that was on unnecessary entertainment (movies, ball, and video game)

$65 was spent at the post office

Over $300 was spent on gifts and stuff for other people (which I can almost always justify as needs) :)

$110 on crap from Tastefully Simple and Stella&Dot that I absolutely didn't need.

About $350 was actually spent on stuff that we could classify as needs, and a lot of that wasn't actually needed.

We always save $1200 a month, before we even get paid. $525 to savings, and about $700 to TSP. So, we are still saving and only spending what is available to us...but still, it needs to stop. We could be using that money for more savings, or more tithing...not little insignificant splurges here and there that add up to substantial amounts each month. Bleh.

I feel like we have completely lost control of our spending. We were supposed to be more aware, and make better decisions this month...but we seem to have returned right back to our norm, which is very bad. At least this answers the question of where all of our money was going each month. It IS going to change. We WILL be better. This is embarrassing. Yes, we did some abnormal things, like take a trip and start the house buying process...but we have done a really crappy job of making Brad's lunch, and instead have been picking up drive through fare to bring to him almost every day. Also, the sodas and candy bars and crap need to stop completely. We didn't need to go to the movies or buy four boxes of Samoas, and the CPO ball isn't exactly a necessity either. Oh my, we have our work cut out for us. We know we can go without these things. It shouldn't be this hard to employ our self control.

Will update again on April 1st. We still have a lot to spend this month, with Jocelyn's birthday coming up, and planning for some other gatherings. I hope we can do better in April.

We've gone spend crazy!!!

We started spending money again, as normal, on March first. We will be logging every dollar we spend this month, and oh man did we blow a bunch of money on the first! As you know from the previous blog, we get a little over $1500 each pay day. Well, here is an account of what we spent just on the first day of the month.

$175 - Jocelyn's preschool tuition
$100 - cell phones
$40 - internet
$8 - Netflix
$20 - Menehune water delivery
$405 - groceries (for the entire month except extra milk/eggs/fruit/etc)
$110 - gas for both cars
$400 - my plane ticket to San Diego for next week
$62 - spent at the NEX on breast milk storage bags($32 two boxes @ $16 each), diapers and wipes for Brad while I am in San Diego ($15), and underwear for Sam ($15 - 3 packs @ $5 each - little boy chonies are expensive!!)

All of that, except Jocelyn's tuition, was paid for using our Giant's rewards VISA...yeah the one Brad got on accident at a Giant's game 7 years ago when we were trying to get free beach towels. That is the first and only credit card he as ever had/used (besides the Star Card he got to buy our new furniture for 10% off, then paid off before interest and canceled). We use it for everything because it earns us points. I think right now we have enough points to do all of our Christmas shopping this year. ANYWAY, at the end of the day on the 1st, he made a $1065 payment to cover everything we spent that day
(the plane ticket was actually purchased a couple days before).

Brad gave me my $200 allowance, and I spent $15 on lunch at McDonalds for myself and the kids, then I tipped the bagger at the Commissary $3 (loading the van with that many groceries took some Tetris-like skills). I spent $18 of my allowance, and have $182 remaining.

Brad got a $1560 deposit, transferred me $200, paid $1065 on the credit card, and now has $295 remaining. YIKES! how did that happen so fast? Haha.

It is now March 3rd, and the only money spent yesterday was $5 at the mini mart. Brad stopped by the mini-mart on his way home to pick up some soda. I didn't buy any at the commissary on the 1st because it was $6 for a 12-pack, eek! He grabbed a 12-pack of Mt. Dew (ew), and a large fountain Dr, Pepper for me. I am going to search the island for the cheapest Dr. Pepper tomorrow! :)

Today, Brad went to see Act of Valor with some buddies, and spent $20 on a movie ticket, popcorn and a soda.

So, we currently have about $450 between the two of us until next payday, and the $277 from last month's cash envelope is still on our fridge. We still plan to save as much as we can for our move, so Brad plans to take lunch to work every day, and I am planning on avoiding taking the kids out for lunch, smoothies, shopping, etc.

The hard part is going to be that I am going to San Diego for a week, and there IS a Chick-Fil-A there, so I will have to practice some serious self control to not eat there every day! :)

I will keep track of our spending over the next week and a half and update when I get back from San Diego. I don't expect many people to read this...but putting it out there is going to help with the whole accountability factor for us! So, thanks for reading and helping us out! :)