Haiti

Yeah, this is a very belated post. I started to write a summary/thank you letter to those who financially and prayerfully supported my trip to Haiti as soon as I returned in April. I have revisited it as a saved Word document on my computer many times since then, but have never felt like it was coming out just right. So here I am, finally getting around to expressing my gratitude on paper to print and mail with Christmas cards. It's kind of sad to admit that the idea of saving stamps was what it took to finally get me to finish the letter. As you can see to the left, there was a big gap in blogging on my part between February and June. It's not that I haven't had blogging hiatuses before, because I have, but this one was because I wanted to blog about my trip to Haiti and just couldn't seem to get my feelings out in a comprehensible way (before or after the trip). I started a blog entry a few times, just like I started the thank you letter a few times. What it came down to, was that I experienced some pretty powerful emotions, from both ends of the spectrum, while I was in Haiti...and I don't think I will ever be able to share them effectively without writing a confusing novel. I think a trip like that is something that you can't experience through another person's story. I cannot make sense of many of my own thoughts regarding Haiti, so I definitely can't get those conflicting emotions out in words that anyone else could make sense of. I reread my journal entries, and just pray and pray for the people there.

The trip was a life changing experience that I will always carry with me. I learned so much about my relationship with Christ, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my country, and my relationships with some of the people I have the joy to worship and fellowship with on a regular basis. I learned that even when you don't achieve exactly what you were aiming for, it doesn't mean that nothing was achieved. We did a lot more in Haiti than I originally thought we did. I allowed myself to get discouraged about the physical things we were unable to make happen, when the physical things weren't REALLY why we were there.

Every time I stop to think about that week, I feel something new. I will forever be impacted by thoughts of the people and sights we saw there. I plan to go back, and I plan to consider adoption from Haiti in the future, when our family meets the requirements.

Thank you, again, to all who wrote checks and prayed for our team and our mission. Please continue to pray for Haiti.

Here is the awesome slideshow that my sister Amanda put together for us, if you haven't seen it yet.

Introducing Carolyn Sue

(Don't you love the shark fin hair-do?)

Brad and I went to the movies on Saturday night while the Paines watched the kids. I had experienced zero signs of labor up until that evening when I lost a little bit of mucous plug. I didn't get overly excited (unless you count posting "MUCOUS PLUG" on facebook followed by a few exclamation points). I figured I still had a few days.

We got home a little after 10 pm and chatted with Melynda and Gabe for about an hour. I didn't make it to bed until about midnight.

2 am - GUSH. Ew. Waking thought, "I just peed the bed". My brain tried to tell my body to shut off the flow and stop peeing...but it didn't work. Within seconds I was sitting in a giant puddle and didn't know what to do. I yelled for Brad, who was sleeping in the other room because I have needed an entire bed to myself these last couple weeks of pregnancy. I told him that I thought my water just broke, but as I was saying it, I couldn't even believe it. My water had to be broken by the OB with Sam and Jocelyn, after epidural, pitocin and about 6 or 7 cm of dilation. I never expected this to happen anywhere other than the delivery room...especially because I hadn't had one single contraction!

I wasn't sure what the protocol was for hanging out at home after my water broke, so after transporting myself with a towel diaper to hang out in the bath tub, I called Labor and delivery. They told me that there was basically a 24 hour window to get baby out after water breaking to avoid infection in mom and baby, NICU stay, yada yada. Basically they said to come in right away. I probably should have gone for a walk instead.

Melynda came over to stay with the kids, and Brad and I left for the hospital around 3 am.

They checked me upon my arrival and I wasn't even dilated to ONE centimeter, which I expected because of the zero contractions I had experienced by this point. I was so bummed that this was happening. I didn't even think your water could break like that, out of nowhere with no signs of labor. I always thought it was a load of crap when some character in a movie was just walking around shopping and BAM water on the floor. Well, I am glad it didn't happen in a store, because it wasn't a little puddle. I gushed waterfalls for hours and hours.

Anyway, after they checked my cervix of steel, they suggested inserting a balloon thingy, and inflating it to "help" my cervix dilate. I was turned off by that idea and told them I was going to go for a walk instead. Brad, went back to the car to sleep, and I walked around the hospital entrance from about 4 am to 6:15 am. While walking, and talking to my sister Amanda on the phone, there was another woman in labor walking with her husband. She looked miserable, and I envied her so much! I wanted to be miserable too! I still wasn't feeling anything. I walked outside, down to the parking garage and back up the hill a couple times until it started raining. Nothing.

Then, the doctor called me and said that he had to prepare for shift change at 7 am and he wanted to evaluate me again before he left. So I headed back up to L&D around 6:30. They put me back on the monitor and I was registering really tiny contractions (yay), but not feeling them at all. The new shift doc brought up the balloon thing again, and I mentioned that I would rather keep walking. She reminded me that we were on the clock thanks to my water breaking and that they really wanted to avoid an infection. I felt like walking would be less risk of an infection than sticking a foreign object up inside of me, but whatever. I was indecisive, and kind of argued with her for a a few minutes. Then she decided to check me...and I was at 4 centimeters! The fact that I had progressed 4 centimeters by walking for two hours made the whole argument irrelevant, and the balloon thingy wasn't even an option anymore. Whew! I really didn't want to do that.

At this point they wanted to put me in a room and told me that I'd have to sign a waiver if I wanted to keep walking around. I decided to decline the waiver, take the room and see if my contractions picked up. I forgot to bring my exercise ball, but when Cori reminded me about it via text, I asked and they provided me with a ball bounce on.

Brad and I watched the new transformers movie while waiting for something to happen.

At 10:30 am, they checked me again and I was barely at 5 centimeters. This disappointed the staff, who was in a big hurry to get the baby out. I should have been dilating more than one centimeter in 3 hours according to them. I started to get a little scared by their protocol of c-section if there is still no baby 24 hours after water breaks. They kept asking me if I wanted pitocin, and I kept saying no.

After being stuck at 5 centimeters for a while longer, I accepted the pitocin. And just under two hours after that, I was asking for an epidural.



The epidural was fine for a while. The docs realized that I wasn't dilating because baby's head was not engaged and pushing on my cervix. She was head down, but kind of sideways. So, they had me turn on one side, trying to get her to turn a bit. When I turned on my right side, the epidural drained all into the right side of my body (thanks, gravity). I started to feel contractions on my left side, then eventually feel them everywhere.

The anesthesiologist came in to give me a bump of something through my epidural. I had the weirdest reaction! It was like the drug all went into my face. I felt as though my tongue and lips were tingling and swollen and that I was talking funny. My head started feeling a whole lot of pressure, and when I tried to point to where my head was hurting, I couldn't lift my arms! They felt like they weighed 200 pounds each. It was terrifying, but it only lasted a few minutes. However, because of this reaction...they shut the epidural off for a while. Owie. By this point the pitocin rate had been upped a couple times, so the contractions felt REALLY lovely. Eventually they pulled out the epidural and placed a new one. When it started working, I sat perfectly still. No more of that rolling over on one side nonsense for me. :)

I think at that point it was around 4 or 5 pm. I was totally expecting to have had a baby by this point. I prayed a little prayer of thanks for the new epidural and how great it felt to not feel much after the couple hours of horrible contractions. Then, I took a nap.

I woke up a little after 6 pm, in pain again. I felt like the epidural was only working on my left side this time. I was so scared that they were going to have to shut it off again, and that I still hadn't dilated, and that I was going to end up having to get a c-section. I started crying. I thought I was feeling a contraction, but when the contraction was over on paper, I still felt it. I watched the monitor show 4 or 5 contraction over 10 minutes, but I didn't feel the breaks in them. I felt like I was having a 10 minute long contraction. The doc came in and decided to check me. Turns out, it just hurt that much because I was a complete 10 centimeters (Praise the Lord) and baby was ready to come out. I started to get really excited about discovering the sex of the baby, not needing a c-section, and basically just not being pregnant any more!

Brad pulled out the camera as the rest of the delivery folks were coming in to prepare the room for baby's arrival. He filmed this at 6:29:


Then, Carolyn was born at 6:32 pm. Here is what that looked like (not exactly attractive):


The time frame from being checked to baby coming out was the same with Sam. Both times, I was discovered to be at 10 centimeters almost exactly 3 minutes before holding baby.

This time was a a little more exciting because I got to find out it was a girl!

She weighed 8 pounds and almost 1 ounce. She was 20 inches long:


Brad went to pick up the kids and bring them back to meet Carolyn when she was about 90 minutes old.


Jocelyn is in love with her and wants to be up in her face all the time, singing to her and telling her stories. Unfortunately Jocelyn is sick right now, and I have to keep dragging her away. :(

Sam wants nothing to do with her. He won't even acknowledge her presence in the house, won't say hi to her, won't give her a hug, nothing. But he climbs into the bouncy seat and pretends he is the baby, as well as crying for me to hold him constantly. I am hoping he starts to adjust very soon!

Carolyn has been a very hungry little baby. She latched right away and hasn't stopped eating since. The first night, and last night she slept from 2am to 7am, but nursed for two straight hours before and after that period.

She looks adorable in her teeny tiny, girlie, cloth diapers. I will be posting more pictures on my facebook page soon, for sure. :)

We were only in the hospital for about 24 hours after she was born, and we are so excited to finally have her home with us. :)

We have plans to try for baby number 4 next summer after our move to San Diego is complete. We will see how that goes when the time comes, as I know I don't have ultimate control over that kind of thing. But, for now we are going to make the most of our team of five and the time we have left here in Hawaii.

We are so blessed to be where we are at in our lives right now. We are looking forward to new adventures...like doing a half Ironman as a family in June! I can't wait to start training! :)



Popsicles for the kids


Daddy and Carolyn


This looks JUST like one of Jocelyn's newborn photos!

Perspective

I have been thinking about perspective a lot recently.

Perspective makes it really hard for me to be unhappy with small inconveniences, worry, fear, and my life in general.

However, it cannot erase any of those things from my life, or change the fact that my emotions are still affected.

Also, at the same time that perspective is helping me avoid becoming depressed over my own issues, it makes me extremely sad about so many other things.

Recently, I was freaked out about the possibility of a c-section. Yes, the idea of getting my stomach/uterus cut open was/is terrifying to me. Stupid, right? It would have had to happen to ensure a safe delivery of my new baby, who is a JOY to me no matter how he or she comes into the world.

Let me stop and put this into perspective for a minute. I have a friend who had her spleen removed in January, and will be having monthly medical treatment for the rest of her life to ensure her immune system is functioning properly. Also, today I babysat for a friend while she went to the hospital to have biopsies done on lumps in her neck...to find out she has cancer.

Now, what? I am supposed to use perspective to rejoice that my situation is not nearly that bad?

How can I possibly be happy at all?

All I feel is guilt for even being scared of a cesarean in the first place, then more guilt for baby flipping and being able to avoid a cesarean...and then sadness. I am filled with sadness for my friends who are having to deal with life altering medical issues that will affect them for the rest of their lives. All perspective does is change the joy of my blessings into guilt.

I am blessed to have many wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ who were praying for me and my anxiety about my breech baby. I believe the power of those specific prayers helped me to avoid the risky procedures that I was in fear of. BUT, what if I would have been having those people pray, instead, that my friend's biopsies came back negative? I can't help but think that all that prayer was wasted on me, when it could have potentially saved someone else from such a horrifying diagnosis.

I really don't think God wants me to feel guilty about answered prayer. But, it is hard not to.

I know all these things are happening according to God's plan, but I am sick of perspective. I am sick of easing my mind by contemplating the unfortunate situations of others. It doesn't work. Perhaps I am supposed to feel guilty, and I am pretty sure that I am supposed to feel sympathy and compassion for these other people. But, I refuse to do those things by comparison. I don't want to compare my life to other people's lives, whether it be by coveting their lives or pitying their lives.

I will examine my life as it is, and be glad with it because it is full of blessings, not because it has less severe trials than the life of another. If something unfortunate happens to me, I will be sad about it and eventually get over it with the strength provided to me by my Savior...not by considering my troubles against a scale of who is worse off than me.

I don't want to compare anymore. Isn't that all perspective is, comparing?

I also, don't want to offer perspective to anyone else again. I know I have done it plenty of times, thinking I was going to help someone feel better by pointing out how much worse things could be. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. If someone is struggling with something, it shouldn't matter how much worse someone else is struggling. We need to overcome the things that affect us negatively by examining our personal relationship with God and not by examining other people.

I am currently meditating on the old Portuguese story in Chapter 11 of "Calm My Anxious Heart". I am going to try so much harder to see things as they are, neither a blessing or a curse, but as a fragment of God's plan. I am going to work on patiently waiting for that plan to unfold, and be grateful that I get to witness it.

Gymbucks Math: $471.80 = $75 :)

Okay, before I start going on and on about how awesome Gymbucks are, and how they work, I have a confession.

When Team Hayes first moved to Hawaii two years ago, my sister Amanda and her two boys (then 2 and 3 years old), came to stay with us for two months while she filled an Air Force reservist position at Hickam AFB. I got the boys dressed every day, and secretly judged Amanda to the extreme for being such a rich snob that every single clothing item, right down to their bathing suits, underwear, and pajamas were ALL Gymboree brand. I never shopped there because I am frugal, and all I knew was that they were overpriced, "brand name" kids clothes.

WRONG!

Amanda educated me about the super glorious clearance racks at Gymboree and Gymboree.com, and also about how to use Gymbucks. She wasn't a children's clothing snob...she was a bargain hunter just like me! In fact, let me just take this moment to thank Amanda for all the money she has saved me with her sharing of knowledge and products. Between turning me on to cloth diapering, and delivering me my first brand new Phil and Ted's stroller at 30% of (not off, of) the retail price (my second one was 100% free), and educating me on Gymbucks, she has saved me thousands of dollars to date...and counting every time I wash diapers or use Gymbucks. :)

Anyway, this is a quick rundown of how Gymbucks work.

-You buy stuff at Gymboree. I keep to CLEARANCE stuff only, $8.99 and under for pants/shorts, $6.99 and under for tops/shirts, and $10.99 and under for dresses or one piece boy outfits.

-You spend $50, you earn $25 in Gymbucks. For example, while EARNING Gymbucks, I bought the following 12 items/6 outfits for $50.14 plus tax (that's an average of $4.16 per item), and I earned $25 in Gymbucks:



-You bring in your $25 in Gymbucks during the Gymbucks redemption period and get $25 off your $50 purchase. There are no restrictions, all sale and clearance items are eligible. So, you can get a WHOLE lot for $25. You can earn them, but cannot use them at Gymboree outlet stores...but who cares, you don't need no outlet store!

Over the last couple months, I made three separate trips to Gymboree, all resulting in $50 purchases (similar to the one pictured above), 10+ clothing items, and $25 in Gymbucks. I spent $152 plus tax on 18 pieces/9 outfits for Jocelyn, 14 pieces/7 outfits for Sam, and a couple items for new baby gifts. It all averaged out to less than $5 per item (and that is not counting socks and hair bows and stuff that SHOULD be under $5 to begin with). I cannot even do the math to tell you how much the original prices of those 40ish items totaled, but it was close to $1000. Those were bargains...and that was just while earning Gymbucks! It gets better!

Now it is the redemption period, and I had $75 GBs burning a hole in my hand (not in my pocket because those babies were out and ready to go first thing this morning). The redemption doesn't actually start until tomorrow, BUT Gymboree Rewards members get a day head start on everyone else. ***That's kind of a key thing here. Becoming a rewards member is free and all they need is your phone number and email. You will get 30% off coupons in the mail/email that you can use on clearance items while earning your Gymbucks! $35 dress, on clearance for 60% off = $14 + 30% off coupon = $9.80. Get five clearance items like that, you are getting $175 worth for $50 AND earning $25 in Gymbucks. SCORE!

So, today I went in and picked out $150.11 worth of clearance items. I am VERY good at spending WAY too much time in the store, hunting through every clearance item to get the matching tops and bottoms of the outfits I like, in the sizes I need, AND making it equal just enough for me to earn/spend Gymbucks. Today was my best yet...just 11 cents over what I needed to spend. Not just anyone can do that. I am pretty talented at this. :) It was actually $149.12, so I quickly grabbed a pair of $0.99 matching socks for one of Jocelyn's outfits. These items totaled over $470 in original retail price (GAG). They rang up my $150.11, then subtracted my $75 in Gymbucks, and here is a detailed photographic inventory of what I paid $75 for today:

FOR SAM:


CALL ME CHIEF
Brad likes this one because, well, Brad is a chief. :)


RED MONSTER MUSCLE SHIRT AND SHORTS
These two items ended up being $2 each...originally $14.95 each.


TURTLES - ARE WE THERE YET?
I originally had this shirt paired with cuter non-shiny orange shorts, but then noticed after leaving the store that I got the shirt in a 3 and the shorts in a 4, so these shorts were the only size 3 shorts that matched the shirt that were on clearance for the same price as the other ones, for me to exchange...and it took me 20 minutes of hunting around the store to find them. Hey, I am dedicated to this bargain hunting thing. :)


I'M GAME
These shorts and this shirt, weren't 'made' to go together (from the same line), but I think they look fine together. :)


LEGEND
These weren't from the same line either, but hey, bargain hunters can't be too choosy. There are times when I fall in love with an outfit, but have to turn it down because it doesn't meet my maximum price standards. I want more for my money. :)


BIG BRO
This is the only thing I bought for Sam in size 2T.=, because we already owned these shorts, and the matching shirt that says "Lil' bro". And this shirt was $1.50. Everything else is 3T.


FOR JOCELYN:


ORANGE SHORTS TIGER TOP
I love the knit shorts like this, because they are always on clearance for $3.99, when the more expensive, 'cuter' linen ones are $9.99....but these come out of the dryer looking like this, and the other ones need ironing, so it's a double plus for me.


SOAK UP THE SUN
This outfit could have come with the much cuter matching denim cutoff shorts that were marked $8.99, but I opted for the $2.99 bike shorts. Jocelyn liked them better anyway, even if I didn't. :)


HIGH FIVE STARFISH
These ended up being $2 a piece also...and totally cute. You can't even get stuff for that price on the clearance racks at Walmart or Target, much less the selection!


BATHING BEAUTY HIPPO
This is part of the line that had an outfit I really wanted. The shirt said "little jetsetter" which is kind of perfect for Jocelyn...but the ADORABLE matching shorts were marked $14.99, which would have ended up being $7.50, which is above my limit for half an outfit
.

GREEN SHORTS
I was surprised these shorts were on sale for $6.99 because all the other similar ones were still $12.99ish.


ORANGE DRESS
This was the most expensive item I bought today. It was originally $35, on clearance for $14.99, so I paid $7.50 for it, but it is a whole outfit, and I justified it because Jocelyn REALLY wanted it. She was so sad when I told her she couldn't wear it for a year. Haha.


SOCKS
"The Kicker" These socks match a few of the outfits that I bought for Jocelyn while earning the Gymbucks. I needed them, at just $0.99, to put me barely over the $150 mark to use my $75 in Gymbucks. Originally $4.25 for ONE pair of socks...I paid $0.50.

FOR NEW BABY HAYES:


INTRODUCING ME
Uh, it's a giraffe, and it's gender neutral. :) There was a ton of newborn giraffe stuff on clearance, but I don't need newborn stuff AT ALL...and most of it was girl stuff, and I don't know if this is a girl or not (for this very reason - I don't need to buy newborn stuff)!


GREEN BABY BOY
I bought one boy thing, in case baby III is a boy. This was my biggest bargain of the day. Originally priced $29.95, I paid $3.25, that is almost 90% off!


ADORABLE GIRAFFE PANTS AND ONESIE
And I bought one girl thing. This could be gender neutral (I think) if the onesie didn't have a bow on it. I LOVE this set.

In conclusion, the original price of these FOUR items (14.95 for the adorable onesie, $26.75 for the giraffe pants, $14.95 for the 'introducing me onesie', and $29.95 for the green embroidered romper) was $86.60:


But, for $75, I got all of this (26 items, averaging $2.88 per item...not counting the socks as an item):


Who in their right mind would go into Gymboree and pay full price for anything?

There are two new boy lines out right now, one is lifeguard themed and the other is all Helicopter stuff. I want them both a lot! But, I can wait. Time is money. :)

So overall, in the past couple months, I spent a total of $225 on kids clothes, clothes that would have cost nearly $1400 if purchased at their original prices. And, the kids are nearly all set with outfits for their next size up (3t for Sam, and 4t for Jocelyn). If only I could get 65 brand spanking new name brand articles of clothing in my size for $225. Could you imagine?

Awesome Mom

I am an awesome mom. Being a mom is my job and I take pride in it. I am very far from perfect and I make mistakes often, but the majority of decisions I make for my kids are good ones. They might be different from the good decisions of other moms, but they are still good. Saying I think I am pretty good at what I do is not an attack on other moms any more than saying that you are an awesome pilot/grocery clerk/doctor is an attack on other pilots/grocery clerks/doctors. People SHOULD think they are good at their jobs. And people who have similar professions SHOULD share tips and knowledge that has helped them perform better in their chosen profession. I can't imagine a pilot or doctor saying, "No, I don't think I am very awesome at my job." Yikes! However, I can still imagine them being open to another pilot or doctor sharing their experiences and successes with them. Why is that such a horrible thing in mom world? Why is it wrong to think you are good at what you do, or to want to share helpful ideas with others?

The "everyone mothers the best way they can" is a crock. There are moms out there who think it is wrong to feed your kids meat, but then there are moms out there who think it is wrong to let your kid ride on your lap in the car while you are smoking. Can those two opinions really be compared? The second one IS wrong, it's not a matter of opinion. I would never say about the second example, "Oh, leave her be. She's doing the best she can!" There are moms who point out where they think you are lacking because they really just think they are a better person than you in general and makes them feel better about themselves to put you down. Then, there are moms who point out where they think you are lacking because they want to help you and they care about you and your kids, and they want YOU to feel better about yourself. I hate it when people throw the second set in the same boat as the first set. When I give advice or make a suggestion to another mom, it is not because I think I am better, it is because I think they would like to know that there is a better/safer way to do what they are doing. God knows I am grateful for how much I have learned from other moms, with their solicited and unsolicited advice. I want to do the same thing for others, and provide them with the information to make their own decision regarding the topic at hand. I am not saying "If you ever want to be a super great mom like me, this is what you should do." Why do so many people interpret it that way and get mad or defensive? If you are doing something that you have researched to be right, and you see good results, why would you NOT want to share that with others? Oh, because you are afraid they will take it the in the worst way possible, that's right, because that's what you do. Sigh.

When I say I think I am an awesome mom, it is not a comparison. It is not me saying, I am more awesome THAN anyone. It's just me thinking that I am doing a good thing by thoughtfully taking the information provided to me from endless sources, considering it, and combining it to aid my decision making for everything from how I want my birthing experience to go, to how long I want to breastfeed, to what diapers I use, to how I install and use my car seats, to the clothes I buy for my children, to what I feed my children, to the kind of stroller I push, to our bedtime routine, to the type of music/television/movies to which I expose my children, to how I discipline my children. ALL of those things and more have been influenced by other moms (moms I know and trust AND perfect stranger moms). ALL of them. I would be doing everyone of those things in less effective, more expensive and more dangerous ways had I refused all the random advice of those other moms. Yes, sometimes I disagree with the basic principles of advice offered to me, and I politely express why I am not willing to do something a certain way, or just smile and nod. But, I will research to make sure that ignoring that advice is actually what is best for my kids before I write it off completely. The problem a lot of people have is thinking they are doing something the best way, without even knowing that it is actually dangerous...and then defending it with no back up. Sigh. What does it hurt to just look into what the crazy lady is saying?

I just want to encourage other moms to be more receptive, and less defensive. If you feel judged, clarify with the other mom before labeling her as "Mommy War mercenary hell bent on world domination". If you feel defensive, that is normal because we all think we are already doing what is right. Also ask yourself what is more important, your pride or the well being of your child? If what someone is telling you has even the slightest chance of being correct/smart/better. Why not listen? I have experienced massive benefits from just listening. Every mom should think they are an awesome mom, but part of that is being willing to learn and change! Nobody is the best mom, but why not strive to be better with the help of our friends? All of us have room to improve.

I AM admittedly fighting in the mommy wars...but on the GOOD side. :) There is no sense in being Switzerland when you can step out onto the front lines and help people, even if it means taking a few bullets to the back every now and then.

I feel it is necessary to pull this out of the archives (it's only from last year) as a PSA for new/expecting mommies: :)

http://happyteamhayes.blogspot.com/2010/03/passing-mommy-judgement-jury-is-out.html

Please don't expect an 'Awesome Wife' blog anytime soon. I am still trying to figure out what my deal is in that department. Off to read Gary Chapman for some instructions!

A story in pictures

This story is called, "Why I Go To Boot Camp." It goes a little something like this...

Baby Daddy

If we could afford a nanny or mother's helper, I'd have 15 kids with this man. He is the love of my life, and the loving father to my present and future babies. I am not going to say that I could not ask for more, because I do...on a regular basis (because I am a nagging housewife and it's my job). But, I could and would never ask for different. He's the only one for me, and I am beyond thankful for all he has given me.

I love you Bradrick! Happy Father's Day.

The cat is out of the bag...

First, let me share my super exciting news...

I lost 8 pounds this month! So, When I started boot camp in November I weighed 155. As of this morning I weigh 135. Well, her scale said 136, but that was while my clothes were drenched in sweat and immediately after I had just consumed a half gallon of water...so I am taking off a pound to make my weight loss an even 20. :) I have only stepped on a scale four times since July when I threw mine away. All four times it was on the scale at boot camp.

Next, let me share my even more super exciting news...

I plan on gaining that 20 pounds back (and then some) in the next 7 months. :)

Most of you know that Brad and I have been trying for months and months to conceive baby number three. Well, once it happened I decided I wanted to keep it a secret. That is hard to do without lying when so many people inquire monthly as to whether or not you've been successful.

I had good reasons for wanting to keep it a secret (or so I thought).

#1 - I saw the two pink lines right before three of my close friends were about to go into labor, and I don't think it would have been nice to announce it right then.

#2 - I have an irrational fear of miscarriage this time thanks to the forums on diaperswappers.com and the unfortunate abundance of loss announcements (15% of my due date club already). :(

#3 - I am going to Haiti. I know there are people who would try to convince me that it is not a good idea while pregnant. I will see the doc the week before I leave, and I will trust in God to protect me and everyone else on our team while we are there doing His work. Period.

#4 - I was going to run the first ever North Shore Marathon on May 1st. I still haven't completely ruled this out, and at the very least I will be doing the Wahine Diva Half Marathon on April 17th. I have already heard from one person, "But if something happened to the baby, wouldn't you just feel SO horrible, I mean...it would be all your fault." If the doc says I am okay to do this, I really didn't want to have to listen to people who have not been to medical school advise me regarding running while pregnant. Now, I have come to the realization that I have nothing to prove to myself or to anyone, and the only reason I really want to do a marathon while pregnant is so I can say that I did a marathon while pregnant. So, we will see.

#5 - I knew the more people who found out I was pregnant, the more I would transform into "pregnant Amy" instead of just Amy. I don't like pregnant Amy. Nobody does. As soon as I am pregnant, and people know about it, I use it. I don't want to be constantly complaining about how icky I feel and how tired I am like I did all through my first trimester with my other pregnancies. Yes, I feel super icky and tired (Boot camp isn't the only thing that helped me lose 8 pounds this month, TRUST ME), but I don't want that to define me to the people who are constantly around me. The few who are in the know have already had to deal with pregnant Amy's whining, and I feel badly about it because it's like I can't control it, or I am just not trying hard enough. It is just easier to control who knows than it is for me to control my whining. Sad, but true.

If you catch me whining or complaining, please call me out. I am very thankful for my 'morning' sickness. Really. Feeling like I need to puke/pass out all day is one of the biggest blessings in my life right now...so don't let me turn it into a bad thing. If I can successfully get through a day of working out, shopping, and swimming with four toddlers/preschoolers and simultaneously deal with feeling like complete caca, I shouldn't be able to use this ickiness as an excuse to not do anything (though I have already used it as an excuse to not do the dishes once or twice). I know I can be sick AND capable (with a little prayer and motivation)! Plus, this should only last another two weeks or so. It stopped right at 12 weeks both of the other times, so I am crossing my fingers that I'll be consistent when it comes to that.

Anyway, the plan was to wait until May 1st, after the marathon, to announce that we were expecting. Well, I am horrible at keeping secrets, especially my own. So, I give up.

Carolyn Sue (?) or Julius Roy (?) should be joining us at the end of September...unless my body keeps up it's reputation of being a super cozy place to hang out, then maybe early October. :) The plan is to wait until the birth to find out if it is a Julius or a Carolyn...but we all know how great I am at sticking to the plan.

Currently, I am...

Stealing: this blog format from Kaysie.

Reading: The Lacuna, by Barbara Kingsolver. I am almost done, but kind of bummed because I am reading it for a book club, and I realized today that I am not going to be able to attend the meeting. I am sure I'd would really enjoy the discussion questions for this book, too! (And, there will be a Mexican food potluck) *sad face*

Looking forward to: My sister Amanda, and her two boys are coming on Monday to stay for a month! Also, my sister Jodi, and her three girls will be coming for a visit midway through the month.

Stressing about: My house being a mess, like always. I have about 57 loads of laundry to do.

Craving: Yokosuka Gyu-Kaku Yakiniku. I have a feeling that Honolulu Gyu-Kaku Yakiniku is just not the same. I want Wagyu beef!

Proud of myself for: Consistently exercising, and enjoying it.

Wearing: Jeggings, flip flops, and a striped tank.

Avoiding: Debt, by trying my hardest to say no to things that tempt me. I suck at saying no to things that I REALLY want.

Sick of: The fact that so many people who try and try to get pregnant, fail, while Jackie-crack-head could care less about a baby and gets knocked up 3 times in one year.

Learning: Grace, forgiveness, and compassion.

Suffering from: Impatience, frustration, and lack of trust in God.

Struggling with: Decisions...all day, every day...and constantly wondering if I am making the best ones for the people I love.

Overcoming: Jealousy for those who have recently been more successful than I at getting pregnant.

Hoping to: Claim an extra child tax credit on my 2011 tax return.

Excited for: All of my friends who are expecting (even though I am also jealous).

Relieved by: The fact that my husband doesn't set the bar too high for me. Haha. On Monday, when I quoted him my most recent boot camp weight loss stats, he asked what my ideal weight was. I said that I would love to be 125, but I would be very comfortable at 135. He said, "I think 125 would be too skinny for your height. I think 135 would be perfect." <3

Splurging on: Travel. This year has presented plenty of enticing opportunities. But we had decided that it wasn't financially lucrative to do everything we wanted to do. So we had to choose which was more important between a mission trip to Haiti, a high school reunion, and a family reunion. We picked Haiti as the priority, but since finding out how much we will get back from our tax return, we have decided to splurge and attempt all of the above. It would be so nice to add a giant chunk of cash to our savings, but we decided that this will be the last year these things will present themselves, as we won't have to spend so much on these trips once we are stationed back on the mainland. We can save our tax return next year. :)

How pregnant are you?

I think this question is dumb. There is no degree of being pregnant beside the fact that you are or you aren't. You cannot be "kind of" pregnant.  From the moment I conceive, I am full-on, all the way, 100% pregnant.

Now, it would be okay to ask, "How far along are you in your pregnancy?" That makes sense. However, I'd like to note that different stages of pregnancy affect people differently.



So, there are six or seven pregnant women in Brad's building, but the parking lot only has two reserved parking spots for 'expectant mothers'. I guess there was a quarrel because a woman who was farther along in her pregnancy (not more pregnant) was irked that a woman who was not very far along in her pregnancy (still just as pregnant) had parked in one of the reserved spots.

I DO NOT SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.

If the sign says, 'expectant mothers', and not 'expectant mothers in their third trimester", then no skinny mama deserves dirty looks from a big belly mama.

Yes, it is easier to earn sympathy when you actually look like there is a basketball under your shirt. But, let me tell you, my third trimester of both of my pregnancies (even after my due date)was more comfortable that either of my first trimesters. And that is why I will start parking in the expectant mother spots from the day I find out that I am pregnant.

When I am feeling dizzy, like I am about to puke or pass out, or both, I don't want to walk a mile across the parking lot in the heat (especially when carrying one or more other small children). When I am 41 weeks pregnant...I am going to be hot and sweaty regardless, plus I will want to force myself to walk as far as possible to get those freaking contractions started because baby is overstaying it's welcome in my belly! Does this make sense to anyone else?

I guess I am just saying that I don't think I deserved those dirty looks I got when I parked in the expectant mother parking spot in front of the NEX when I was 2 months pregnant with Sam(and 10 pounds lighter than before I conceived). The reason I was skinnier than normal is because I barfed up everything I ate. Trust me, you cannot judge a pregnant woman's discomfort based on the size of her belly. I also don't think that the woman at Brad's work should get sympathy for being farther along in her pregnancy. If she wants the spot, she should get to work earlier.

Not all women get sick in the beginning, and some stay sick all the way through. Everyone is different, but I don't think it is fair to say that one pregnant woman is more deserving of a parking spot based on the size of her belly, when there could be many other factors involved. First come. First served. Period.