I don't like you, but I might love you

I'm going to start out by saying that I hate running. I love swimming. I am a swimmer, not a runner. When I run, I feel short...like every time my foot hits the asphalt, I shrink half an inch. When I swim I feel long and slender and graceful. I hate the feeling of sweat dripping down my face, back and front. In the water, I might sweat just as much...but I cannot feel it. In the pool I do not have to worry about my gigantic milk bags bouncing up and down until they feel like they are going to fall off. I wore three sports bras this morning to no avail. Also, while swimming laps, I probably wouldn't have to experience judgmental looks from the two super skinny mamas (with their designer running clothes/sunglasses/strollers) who run by me every morning, too good to return my friendly greetings. Yeah, this morning I uttered, "I hate you both", under my breath just as they escaped earshot. Pathetic.

Now, I have a dilemma...or two. My Dilemmas are named Jocelyn and Samuel. Until I invent the 'Water Stroller' and the 'Double Water Stroller', I cannot use swimming as way to get in shape. I seriously have plans to get rich off of those products, so do not steal my idea. Anyway, I have to run. I don't want to run, but I will run because I cannot just let myself sit on my booty and do nothing about my deflated basketball belly.

I've been walking quite a bit, and jogging here and there. I haven't yet seen a doctor since Sam was born, so I've been taking it easy. However, yesterday I just decided to go for it. I walked up this huge hill in our neighborhood, as a warm up, then I ran almost two miles, and walked another mile to cool down. I hated every minute of it. But, when I got home and ate a tangerine instead of a pop tart...I felt amazing!

Today I DID NOT hate every minute of my run. I realized that I should be very thankful for the hour I spend outside each morning. I tried to ignore the shrinking feeling as my feet impacted the street and concentrate on other things.

**This hour is the only time of each day that both kids are awake, yet completely quiet and still. This one thing makes the sweat totally worth it. If only I had the energy to run all day, every day.

**My neighborhood is on a bit of a hill, so I have a beautiful view of the ocean just west of Waikiki. I love being able to glance over my shoulder and see the rising sun glistening off the beautiful blue Hawaiian water.

**It's November and I am outside at 8 in the morning, working on my tan as I run in shorts and a tank top. Honestly, people have to envy this about me. :)

**The need for one-armed stroller steering while running is totally toning my arms, eliminating the need to go to the fitness center and lift. I can feel the pain from having done this yesterday, and I like it. I'm not weird, it's just that good kind of pain.

**I get to think about stuff. I have time just to be with my own thoughts, completely uninterrupted. I think about my dad a lot because a Robinson flies over about every 5 minutes. I'm working on smiling when he crosses my mind, instead of crying.

**Each time I stop at a corner for a car, then start running again, Jocelyn says, "Eeeyah". She means 'yee-haw', but it's cute anyway!

I know that today is only day two of this running stuff, but I feel so good about it today that I really hope I can maintain this attitude. I have set the goal of completing the Hibiscus Half-Marathon for Leukemia/Lymphoma in Waikiki on June 13th, 2010. I know that date is far away, and that I could very well be pregnant again by then, but I am really looking forward to finding my pace and getting comfortable and confident about this.

I also thought that I should point out that I realize how much my blogging has resembled the blogs of my sister, Stacey. This is because I want to be like her in so many ways. I want to be like all of my sisters. If you look at me, I am just a bunch of pieces of them put together to make another person. I've taught, and will teach, high school like Jodi. I was in the Air Force like Amanda. I was/am a certified lifeguard and water safety instructor like Stacey. Kylie and I have so many similarities it's crazy (movie quoting and Grammar Nazism, to name a couple of my favorites). I haven't done, and will never be able to do, any of these things quite as well as my sisters, but I think that I am pretty good at being a mosaic of my older siblings. There are things that I admire about all of my sisters, so I strive to 'steal' those qualities and talents from them. This time, I'm trying to steal Stacey's love for running, along with her ability to boast a half-marathon completion and a rocking body!



Don't you just love how you can tell that I am not actually running in this photo because the front wheel of the stroller is turned sideways? :) :) :)